hahahhahah huskies rule!

[AsianIon]

just a couple of cougar jokes for all us washington peoples

if your a true fan of the huskies, you will read every single one, i hand picked out all the stupid ones or the ones that dont make sense


Q: What does a Cougar grad call a Husky grad?
A: Boss.


Helpful life long skills checklist presented to each graduating senior at the WSU Commencement Ceremony

1. If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.
2. If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
3. If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with water.
4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
6. It's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.
7. When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.
8. When your PC says "You have mail," don't go to the company mail room and look for a package.
9. The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English language web pages into French.
10. If you're in the armed services, and it's April 1st, and you get an E-Mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.
11. If you go to the computer store to buy a mouse pad, you don't have to specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh.



A WSU student walked into a bar in Seattle and ordered two beers. After he paid for the beers he drank one and poured the other one all over his right hand. The bartender was curious to what he was doing so he asked him, and the WSU student replied "I'm trying to get my date drunk."


A ventriloquist from Seattle walked into a bar just off the Washington State University campus and asked the manager if he could do a little performance. The manager thought no harm could be done and agreed.
The ventriloquist grabbed a stool, sat down and began telling jokes about the WSU football team. Suddenly, a huge man wearing a Cougar T-shirt walked over and said, "Listen buddy, I don't know who you think you are, telling all these jokes about our football team. I for one will not put up with it!"
The ventriloquist quickly appologized and said he would leave. The large man exclaimed "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to that little man sitting on your lap!" --Todd Boyer, Seattle.

A Husky fan, a Coug fan, and a Ducks fan were driving to the Rose Bowl together when their car broke down. They walked down the road to a farmhouse and inquired if they could spend the night.
The farmer said, "sure, but one of you will have to sleep in the barn as there is not enough room in the house."
The Husky fan said, "I'll do it."
A little while later there was a knock on the door, it was the Husky fan. He said, "I'm allergic to chickens and there are chickens in the barn." So the Ducks fan left to stay in the barn.
A little while later there was again a knock on the door, it was the Ducks fan. He said, "I'm allergic to pigs and there are pigs in the barn." So the Cougs fan left to stay in the barn.
A little while later there was again a knock on the door, it was the chickens and the pigs!

During an off-day in the Cougs practice preparation for the Rose Bowl, one of their quarterbacks thought he would take advantage of the break in southern California and visit one of America's biggest theme parks.
As he neared the park in his rental car, he noticed a big sign ahead on the highway.
"DISNEYLAND LEFT," it read.
With that, he sighed, turned around and headed back to the hotel.



Seems that a Coug was driving West from Pullman at the same time a Husky was driving East from Seattle and they happened to meet head-on in a horrible crash on top of Snoqualmie Pass. Miraculously, both climbed out of the steaming wreckage...their bodies intact. They examined the twisted metal and realized that they were truly lucky to be alive. The Coug said, "This must be a sign from God that we should end the bitter rivalry that we have had since the beginning of time." The Husky agreed...he went to his trunk and pulled out an unbroken bottle of whiskey. "This is truly remarkable," he said, "God must want us to toast our new-found friendship." He twisted the cap off and handed the bottle to the Coug, who took several big swigs, wiped his chin and handed the bottle back. The Husky replaced the cap, and without a word, put the bottle back into his trunk. "Aren't you going to celebrate our luck?" asked the Coug. Nah, I thing I'll just wait for the troopers to get here.


A pretty blonde woman from the U of W is driving down a country road near Pullman in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, shehappens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke, they are studying for their finals over at WSU. She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay," she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to think about the two Cougs in the room next to her. They are not too bright it seems, but they are so handsome. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Four years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch,rocking back and forth. Thinking about their day off from the new McDonald's in Colfax.
Jed says, "Luke?"
Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"
Jed says, "You remember that blond woman that came by here about four years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."


Two men, one Couger and one Husky, are using a public restroom. When the Couger notices that the Husky didn't wash his hands afterward, he says "Hey, at WSU they teach us to wash our hands after using the restroom." "Oh really," the Husky replies. "Well at UW we're smart enough to know not to pee on our hands."


One day at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter was greeting new comers. The first man was a brilliant engineer, so he and St. Peter talked about the great structures and buildings of the world. Next was a mathmatician from Harvard, so they talked about the most complex mathmatical problems in the history of civilization. The third guy had an IQ of 78 and a six pack in his right hand and St. Peter says, "How 'bout them Cougs!"

-- Karen Sifferman, Seattle.

Q: How do cougar brain cells die?
A: Alone

Q: Did you hear about the cougar who won an Olympic gold medal?
A: He had it bronzed.

Q: Why did the cougar carry the car door with him when he walked through the desert?
A: So he could roll down the window when he got too hot.


So....A guy walks into the store and the clerk asks if he can help him.
"Sure can," the guy replies. "I want a bright, scarlet red sweatshirt, a pair of gray pants, gray socks, a red Cowboy hat and a pair of scarlet-colored cowboy boots."
"Oh, I take it you're a Cougar fan," the clerk say with a grin.
"How can you tell?" the guy answers. "It's 'cause I'm a askin' fer all scarlet and gray stuff, right?"
"No," the clerk answers. "It's because this is a hardware store."

[AsianIon]

i had to split it up into two posts



WASHINGTON STATE ENTRANCE EXAM - FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
Time Limit: 3 WEEKS

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions.
-OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army
(d) write a play

4. What religion is the Pope?(check only ONE)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
(d) Canadians

9. Spell President Clinton's last name.

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for WHAT country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-
spell your name in BIG BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
(a) New York
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Pullman?
A: God couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

--Steve Flude, Ritzville.

3 students from Wazzu were in the park and they saw some tracks on the ground. They were guessing what they were from. One guy said that they were bear tracks, another guy said that they were racoon tracks, and the last guy said that they were oppossum tracks. Then a train came and they were all hit.

--Marcia Renda.

The coug was driving in his pickup down the farm road one hot dusty day with the window rolled down and his arm resting on the windowsill. He turned his head to the left,sniffed the air and said, "ooohweee, when ARE they going to invent Left Guard?"
--Howard Wells.

Q: How do you make a WSU graduate leave your house?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

--Dave in Bellingham.

Q: What's 6-13-6?
A: The IQ of the Cougar defensive line.

Q: Did you hear about the Cougar waterpolo team?
A: They had to cancel their season after the horses all drowned in the first game.

Q: Why don't they raise chickens in Pulman?
A: They plant the eggs too deep.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead Cougar on the highway?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: What do you call a Cougar football player with an IQ of 20?
A: Gifted.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl in Pulman?
A: A Tourist.

Q: Why don't they have ice in the bars in Pulman?
A: They lost the recipe.

Q: What's crimson & gray, six miles long and has an IQ of 41?
A: The WSU student body.

Q: What's the longest ten years of a Cougar football players life?
A: His freshman year.

Q: How do you confuse a Cougar student farmer?
A: Give him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.

Q: Where do Cougar cheerleaders go in the morning?
A: Home.

--Jon Dalberg, Seattle, Washington

In America they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your children?"

In France they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your wife is?"

In Italy they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your car is?"

In Pullman they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know what time it is?"

--Dan Hickman, Douglas, Wyoming


Classes to take at Washington St.
10. Subtraction 99 (addition's really tricky)
9. Synchronized underwater basket weaving 101
8. Cow Milking 101
7. American Lit. 444: Critical anaysis from Dr. Seuss to Curious George
6. TV 100: What Happened to "Hee Haw"
5. Keg Tapping 1091: Traditional tapping techniques and styles
4. Pysch 201: Intro to animal Sexuality
3. Disability 1210-(If you're enrolled in this class, your IQ is below 20)
2. Careers 101: How to prepare yourself for fast-food restaurants
1. Power Tools 01: How to operate a hammer


Things to do in Pullman (WSU campus)
10. Do your wash on the front porch
9. Get a beer and then get a beer
8. Go to THE grocery store
7. Put gas in your combine
6. Naked Sheep Twister
5. Cow tipping
4. Do it in a bag and light it on fire on your neighbors porch (don't forget to knock)
3. Major in hotel Management
2. Try to get a date with benched QB Chad Davis
1. Play Cougopoly-limited real estate prospects, but plenty of free parking spaces


Favorite Clothes to Wear
10.Overalls
9. Jean jacket with wooly inside
8. Long underwear
7. A straw hat
6. Chew-stained tank tops
5. Genuine pigskin belts
4. Grandmother's 1881 jeans
3. Mom's woven blanket
2. Tight-ass acid-wash jeans
1. Nothing


Best Movies in Pullman
10. John Wayne bobbit Uncut
9. The Beverly Hillbillies
8. Dumb and Dumber
7. Forrest Gump
6. Hee Haw-the Movie
5. Children of the Corn series
4. Deliverance
3. Nell
2. Stone Cold
1. Babe-the X-rated version


How do you keep a Cougar out of your front yard? ...Put up some goalposts

Did you hear OJ wanted to attend WSU? ...he wanted to go where everybody's DNA was the same.

Why can't you hold a Nativity scene in Pullman? ...they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin

How many WSU grads does it take to screw in a light bulb? ...Just the both of them, but it takes them 6 months and they get 6 credits for it.

What is a Cougar joke?
...a redundancy

What's the last sign of intelligent life in Pullman? ...Seattle, 371 miles

Why do Cougars put their diplomas on the dashboard? ...so they can park in the handicapped spots.


--D. Nov, Seattle, Washington.

If two Wazzu grads get a divorce, are they still considered brother & sister?

--Jim Ito, class of 85.

What's the difference between the Cougars and Cheerios?
Cheerios make it into the Bowl.

--John and Leigha Reeves, Kent, Washington.

Q: How is a cougar like a possum?
A: Both play dead at home and usually die on the road.


Q: What's the difference between a Cougar cheerleader and an elephant?
A: About 10 pounds.

Q: Know how to make it even?
A: Force feed the elephant.

Q: What's the difference between a Cougar cheerleader and the garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Q: What's the different between a quarter at the bottom of a toilet and a Cougar cheerleader at the bottom of the toilet?
A: The quarter is worth reaching in for.

--Submitted by Jeff McCauley, Seattle, Washington.

Q: How do you find Wazzu?
A: Head East until you smell it, then South until you step in it.
-- John Calahan, Seattle, Washington.

What do you get when you cross a Cougar and a big dumb Jackass? Answer: A bigger,dumber, slower big dumb jackass.

--Cristen, Seattle, Washington.


Q: Why do WSU graduates put their diploma on the car dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicap spots.

Q: How many Cougars does it take to get to a bowl game?
A: Yeah, right.


Katie Frigon - Redmond

A few years back, there was a popular defensive lineman that played for washington state. When it came to be towards the end of his senior year, the guy (named Butch) found out that he didn't have enough credits to graduate. He went into to the administration building at Wazzu and pleaded with the dean to let him graduate, but to no avail. He had to have the same amount of credits as his fellow students if he wanted a degree of any sort.
Well, it came to be that time of year, and Butch decided he would show up at his graduation ceremony anyway, regardless of whether he was getting a diploma or not. As each student was called up to receive their degree, a chant began growing through the crowd. It grew and grew until it became a stomping and roaring yell of "Let Butch graduate!! Let Butch graduate!!" They came to the end of the students and the dean, fearing a riot if he didn't comply, called Butch up to the podium as the crowd erupted in cheers.
"Butch," he said into the mic, "I'll let you graduate if you can answer me this ONE question. What is four plus two?"
Now Butch stepped back and contemplated for a long period of time. You could practically see those rusty wheels turning as he thought about the possibilities. After a considerable pause, he stepped up to the mic and said, "Uhhh, six?"
A hush fell over the crowd, until the next chant began. "Give him another guess!!! Give him another guess!!"
Katie Frigon - Redmond


Sign seen near Husky Stadium during the last Apple Cup...
WSU Parking:
Tractors please park on the left. Combines please park on the right.

Sign seen when crossing into Washington from Oregon: Warning. Sales Tax ahead.
Sign seen when crossing into Washington from Canada: Cheap beer and smokes ahead, eh?
Sign seen when crossing into Washington from Idaho: Keep driving. It gets better.

-- "Almost Live."


Q: What did the Cougar grad say to the UW grad?
A: "Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?"
Submitted by Robert Gutierrez, Seattle, Washington.

[dyepntmaster]

I thought you were talking about NIU at first. NIU Huskies FTW!

[AsianIon]

all huskies ftw, who is your rivals.

and this the university of washington.

i dont think id put illionois in nw section.

[dyepntmaster]

Lol, i just looked it up under new posts, dont really read what section

[AsianIon]

yea i do that someitmes to, the new post thingy. who is your rival at niu?

[crossline422]

hahahaha.

dont give away the points i gave u asian, spend them.

[AsianIon]

alright, i was gonna boost my chip count on pokerstars.net.

im trying to save up for something a little bigger.

[northwestpb14]

Why do Cougars put their diplomas on the dashboard? ...so they can park in the handicapped spots.


--D. Nov, Seattle, Washington.

If two Wazzu grads get a divorce, are they still considered brother & sister?

--Jim Ito, class of 85.


Those were good.

[AsianIon]

thisi s my personal favorite

Two men, one Couger and one Husky, are using a public restroom. When the Couger notices that the Husky didn't wash his hands afterward, he says "Hey, at WSU they teach us to wash our hands after using the restroom." "Oh really," the Husky replies. "Well at UW we're smart enough to know not to pee on our hands."

[freakydeaky13]

ya dude, bow down to washington

[PickleFrontman99]

haha those are awsome. so true also.

[AsianIon]

****ing bow down to washington.

lmfao